


Two Knights Shining (hold the armor)

by Xparrot



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Other, Pesterlog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-21
Updated: 2011-06-21
Packaged: 2017-10-20 14:57:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/213983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xparrot/pseuds/Xparrot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave has a matter of future import to discuss with Karkat.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Two Knights Shining (hold the armor)

**Author's Note:**

> Not really a story so much as me seeing if I can write Homestuck, or more specifically Dave or Karkat (short answer: no. long answer: no no hell no what was I thinking?!) Deals with a non-existent, completely unformed and likely to be eventually jossed plot scenario.

turntechGodhead [TG]  began trolling carcinoGeneticist  [CG]    
TG: yo   
CG: HEY ASSHOLE, WHAT AN UNPLEASANT NONSURPRISE, TO SEE YOU LOGGING ONTO OUR SYSTEM.   
TG: shouldnt have made it so easy to hack then  
TG: anyway wouldve trolled you later but when i skimmed ahead your dance cards full up  
TG: psychopaths and serial killers waiting up to get down  
TG: and im not about to go and stand in the timeline all shy and hopeful  
TG: so ill just lay it on you now   
CG: REALLY NOT IN THE MOOD FOR HUMANS LAYING ANYTHING.  
CG: YOU CAN KEEP YOUR CLUCK-BEAST ANTICS AMONG YOUR LITTLE FLOCK OF GAME-CRASHING LOSERS.  
CG: SOME OF US HAVE IMPORTANT SHIT TO DO.   
TG: look at you being all cool  
TG: here i figured there wasnt much cool left for the rest of you trolls to be collecting  
TG: what with terezi having the monopoly  
TG: squatting on park place and collecting two hundred frosty dollars every time around  
TG: but whatever apply that ice to your jets now because you have to listen to me   
CG: WHY THE FUCK WOULD I DO THAT.   
TG: because im the ghost of sburb future  
TG: getting all portentous on your scrawny scrooge ass  
TG: and this is how itll go down

TG: you are going to be there at the tail end of this clusterfuck  
TG: on your knees before the gaping tunnel praying that the glimmer of light at the end isnt an oncoming locomotive

TG: and john is going to step up and say hes got it covered  
TG: got it all worked out  
TG: positive as a black haired pollyanna in a hoodie and stupid glasses  
TG: so positive hes sucking in electrons like no negative particles walk  
TG: take no prisoners all out of gum positive that he knows what he is doing

TG: and youre going to tell him no fucking way

CG: AND I REPEAT, WHY THE FUCK WOULD I DO ANYTHING YOU SAID?  
CG: HAS TOO MUCH TIME LOOPING RUSTED YOUR THINK-PAN ENTIRELY THROUGH  
CG: OR DID YOU JUST HATCH THIS STUPID?   
TG: youre going to tell him because i cant be there to  
TG: and rose and jade will be doing their own thing too  
TG: but someone has to remind john  
TG: saving the universe is awesome and all but you gotta get a good deal  
TG: make sure you dont get ripped off by a slimeball with shiny white teeth and a bad suit  
TG: kick the spiral arms and take the galaxy for a test spin  
TG: just whatever you do dont accept the first offer   
CG: I AM ASTOUNDED THAT YOU WOULD ASSIGN ME THIS AWESOME DUTY  
CG: SO ASTOUNDED THAT I MIGHT CHOKE ON THE THICK LIQUID OF RESPONSIBILITY FILLING MY SQUAWK-BLADDER.  
CG: OH WAIT THAT'S BILE RISING FROM ENDURING YOUR INSANE TEMPORAL-HIGH RANTING.  
CG: WHAT WOULD POSSIBLY FUCKING COMPEL ME TO STOP ANY OF YOU SACKS OF PARADOXICALLY CLONED GENETIC MATTER FROM THROWING AWAY YOUR SHORT, MEANINGLESS LIVES?  
CG: ESPECIALLY IF THAT DISPOSAL COULD POTENTIALLY SAVE A FUCKING UNIVERSE, POSSIBLY OURS.   
TG: because youre a knight too and this is what knights do  
TG: got plenty of distress but no damsels in this game and seers and witches dont need any rescuing  
TG: and all the windmills are tilted by now  
TG: blown over with their vanes askew reaching out like junkies begging for one last gasp of breeze  
TG: and the armor was just tin foil  
TG: old potato chip wrappers crumpled up and lost their shine  
TG: but sometimes heroes need to be saved from themselves   
CG: AND THE VACUUM IN YOUR SKULL WHERE A REASONING CENTER SHOULD BE DECIDED THAT I WAS THE BEST CHOICE FOR THIS.  
TG: you are  
  
CG: SO WHAT IF I WON'T DO IT.  
TG: i could tell you that then you and my half a sword would have a date  
TG: two tickets to hardcore vengeance all up close and personal  
TG: but i wont because you will  
CG: WHATEVER  
CG: IF YOU KNOW I'M GUARANTEED TO DO IT ANYWAY THEN WHY BOTHER WITH THIS BOSSY BULLSHIT.  
TG: timetables out of warranty so no guarantee  
TG: cant see that far ahead  
TG: but i know  
TG: i know youve already been talking to john  
TG: dont know what about  
TG: maybe getting an education in the lamest cinema our planet produced  
TG: earning your bachelors of bombs and turkeys  
TG: while rubbing down that black spade you got all set up for him  
TG: polish it to a black hole finish and get sucked straight down the kismesis event horizon  
CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, YOUR IGNORANCE IS SO PAINFUL I'M HURTING JUST READING IT.  
TG: or maybe youre getting all flushed  
TG: hot and bothered and red as my words here whenever you see blue ones  
TG: or maybe you really are just friends  
TG: who the hell knows  
TG: but sooner or later youll have talked to him enough  
CG: ...ENOUGH FOR WHAT?  
TG: enough that youll get it

TG: that youll know  
TG: that even if we save every other star and planet and rock and rolling atom  
TG: a universe without egbert in it  
TG: without his dumbass pranking  
TG: without his crappy taste in crappier movies  
TG: without his stupid faith in assholes who dont deserve it  
TG: a universe like that wouldnt be worth living in   
  
TG: and you can tell him i said so if you have to  
TG: say anything you want  
TG: as long as you stop him   
turntechGodhead [TG]  ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist  [CG]    


carcinoGeneticist  [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead  [TG]   
CG: OK.   
carcinoGeneticist  [CG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead  [TG]


End file.
